I recorded my practice today and watched myself to see where I was going off.
To my inexperienced eye, my spine was the biggest eye opener. I thought my back was concave but it was most definitely not. In retrospect, I think I need to work on my shoulder blades and extend my sides to get that action. In class, the teacher’s instructions are pointed and the collective energy makes a whole lot of movement easier to access. At home, I lose those adjustments while thinking I am on track. Avidya and asmita at play.
A while ago, I would either be in despair or frustrated with my seeming lack of progress. Today, I can get up again and again. There is a sentence from Light on Life by Guruji that keeps me inspired to keep going.
“The presence of truth can make us feel naked, but compassion takes all our shame away.”
Yoga has helped to take away a lot of my inhibitions and self judgements to be able to keep striving. This attitude has also spilled into my life away from the mat. Every time I strip down to my bloomers, it is getting naked and baring my flaws. Some days I am not able to get out of my head and then it doesn’t feel complete. At other times, the surrender is total and I am led by the practice. Those moments are light but it happens so infrequently that I wonder if it is real.