Losing the beginners mind and finding it

Initially, I hung on to every word of the invocation, feeling the sounds on my tongue and trying to mind the meaning as I chanted it before class or practice. With time, it has become a little mechanical. The mental offering of my practice is there but the mindfulness on the vibrations of the sounds is not always present.

While repeating the invocation in class today, I went through a range of fluctuations. There was the fluttering to calm down. Then the Om settled it a bit and made space for the mind to quieten. As the invocation started, I dutifully repeated it but found my mind wandering and caught myself doing it. The whole chanting would have hardly taken any time but it felt long. At the end, I offered a mental apology and surrendered all that I have to the teachers, mortal and eternal.

Trikonasana is a challenging pose for me. I feel something holds me back from letting go. Looking at it objectively, I should have a greater range of movement downwards but I stop somewhere. This springs from a fear of toppling. I just want to keep it all together, a fragile binding and not have to go beyond my comfort zone. Perhaps what I need to do is break it down and build it up repeatedly. Until the fear goes and there is only joy in that process. Something to work on.

Today’s trikonasana work was on the arms, stretching the inner arm and keeping the tallness before extending downwards. The left hip and groin are tight so I don’t get a complete rotation on that side. Hopefully, that will also happen one day.

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