Samatvam

Technically, I am doing only one offline class. In the others, I am a student but from an assisting perspective. They are vastly different. I am comfortable in following instructions and adapting to my physical conditions, getting in and out of poses, using props, supporting areas that need help etc. but when it comes to other bodies, the reading from a helper’s perspective is a new one. As an observer, it is easy to simply note but while adjusting, there is technique, skill and agility required. It is a different kind of learning. In the medical class, the method is one of improvisation so there is a whole lot of gear shifting. And then there are online classes, three that I attend besides 2 as a demonstrator. Those are different in the quietness of my home.

I make notes else there is no way to keep track of the progression of classes, the way the theme of one class links to another. They are short ones that I go through before a class to remind myself. I also find myself watching and practising to videos, reading and writing. In short, it is like being in school or college. And I’m loving it. So much so, that other things seem like disturbances. If it weren’t for the need to pay bills and the unavoidable familial and social commitments, I probably would just want to study forever.

Yesterday evening, I was playing the helper’s role in an evening class and as the teacher exhorted the students to “do maximum”, I found myself smiling, remembering how it would feel impossible when she would say that and all that I could hear in my head would be, ‘when will she say, ok come down’ and the relief that would rush through the muscles. I could see that in the students. But at the end, there would be a sense of accomplishment and a spring in my step while leaving. I see that light in others. It is very interesting to observe bodies, they speak quite eloquently. While assisting, some of them resist while others welcome the help. These days, I find myself slowly assuming my place in that hall and providing what is needed, listening and doing. All I have to do is simply listen to the teacher and see if her instructions are being implemented.

While it was a mix of last week and 5th week kind of asanas, if I had to pick a theme, it would be samatvam, evenness. In one of the recent yoga sutra sessions or perhaps it was one of his classes, Srineet mentioned how ‘samatvam yoga uchyate‘ which is used commonly as a definition does not really say it all, Samatvam is more in the nature of a result or effect of yoga. It makes sense to see it both ways. After all, cause and effect are the same, just different manifestations.

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5 thoughts on “Samatvam

  1. Last night I was talking to Stephen about what makes someone leave their worldly life and decide to live in an ashram. I couldn’t imagine what made my online Gita teacher leave a position at a prestigious university and retreat to her spiritual enclave. But your opportunity to be mentored and absorbed into the Institute’s system makes you an aspirant. So I completely understand how your outside responsibilities feel as an intrusion. I can imagine this opportunity a a fulfillment of your dharma.

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    1. It is truly a gift to be able to learn and soak in the institute. Dharma is such a big word. Your comment makes me question what is my Dharma and I find myself wandering into svadharma and svadhyaya. I suppose one’s Dharma is simply to be. And just how hard that is!:)

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  2. You seem to be following your dharma. I can imagine that the impostor’s syndrome you previously wrote about can nag on you, but you have something to offer—and offer it—that nobody else there does. Your writing about your experiences shows deep svadhyaya. This is what we’re all meant to do.

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