a pause…

This year has hurtled at breakneck speed with many interesting experiences. It feels like an important period which will reveal it’s secrets only at some later time. Whilst in the middle of dealing with life, all I can see is painful or pleasurable instances. In many ways, I lost all that I had worked towards and in others, I gained a whole lot of new. I lost running and have been steadily losing asana to the knee while I gained a new lease on a childhood dream. And yet, as I type this post, I wonder…

It feels a little strange to type on my laptop after using my little hand phone for almost all of my communication. Except for large excel files and films, I rarely opened up the big screen. The note feature on my phone was probably the most used as I put down class notes, random ramblings besides posts for Instagram. Somehow that tiny screen allowed my thoughts to flow in a way a large screen never permitted. Now that the phone has died on me, I’ve been enjoying the luxury of time and the freedom to be in hermit mode. I would have to get myself a new one but I’m beginning to wonder if I should…

The knee is a chronic condition now and after a few rounds of the doctor and physiotherapists, I decided to do as I thought right. In all my interactions with the medical folks, they had thoughts and diagnoses and it struck me that even they figure out stuff by trial and error. In all this, I trust yoga since there is firsthand experience of relief from cervical spondylosis. Ultimately, it is nature who heals. I’m grateful to a fellow student who nudged me to speak to my teacher about a solution for my problem rather than just working around with modifications. I’m looking forward to a solution to this bump in the road. I really miss the rejuvenation of a well earned savasana. Somehow, it doesn’t feel the same without a solid asana practice.

A complete break of a week actually saw the knee feeling happier so maybe complete rest is what it requires but the practice is really for my mind and heart. It clears my head and opens my heart in a way nothing else does. I did play around with different kinds of sequences and found that backbends did well for the knee too. It got me thinking about going to the root of a problem. Inevitably, everything in our physical existence is tied to the spine and that is where the answers lie. I feel more than a little out of practice and a bit fallen out of grace as far as the mat is concerned. Perhaps the upcoming sabbatical will prove to be a time to regenerate.

Today’s muse was the third section from the Shiksha valli of the Taittriya Upanishad and it was again a reinforcement of the importance of the purusharthas of our human existence. Dharma, Artha, Kama and Moksha. There is no fast forwarding to moksha and the logic of dividing life into these phases is impeccable, like the systematic development of learning asanas. A householder’s life need not be one of bondage, it is an opportunity to be of service in many ways as I am beginning to see. I find immense joy in passing on what I have learned as well as giving freely and fully which was not possible in my twenties or thirties. Hopefully by the time, my responsibilities are fulfilled, I may be able to embrace the next ashramas with grace and happiness.

Hari Om


4 thoughts on “a pause…

  1. I hope you do find a way to approach healing through yoga. I’m coming up on the one-year anniversary of a severe adductor strain incurred while teach yoga right after standing for an hour to teach an academic class. Not warmed up. Demonstrated a pose. Bad idea. I could still practice, but I had to avoid so many things for so long. Today, I finally was able to do parighasana (pardon my Sanskrit spelling if it’s off)–“gate latch pose”–after all that healing time. I appreciate the way you integrate yoga’s wisdom into your journey through healing.

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s