I missed class. Very much. I missed the fire of a teacher’s instructions. If I had to get melodramatic, I’d probably say, I felt motherless.
Asana practice has been a mixed bag and I feel like I could have done more. Class begins in a couple of days and I am excited and also a little anxious about how I will cope. Hopefully, there should be more time to practise at home with a changed work schedule.
During this break from class, I explored the forward bends and extensions, practised sarvangasana and some seated poses. The more I get in and out of an asana, the more I realise how much I don’t know. While the poses take a better shape on the outside, I see how dull my awareness is. There are more questions on the actions required and I open ‘Light on Yoga’ to look at the pictures. The grainy black and white pictures are a far cry from the HD pictures we see today but despite that, they all convey poise. Sometimes it is good to not focus so much on all the cues and let the eyes work at seeing rather than using the brain.
A brief exploration of backbends helped discover that my injury is almost gone and that got me thinking about how cure rests in injury. Recently, I was prescribed medication for a fortnight and I gave it up halfway and decided to let nature takes its course. The ‘cure’ gave me more pain in the form of blinding headaches, extreme drowsiness and dizziness. All this to treat a case of reflux!
Japa practice has been challenging as my thoughts zoom all over the place and I find it difficult to be in the moment. It is a bit of a barren landscape inside and I find myself not wanting to sit down but I do. Dutifully and diligently, even if it is painful to watch the incessant chatter inside.
The texts have thrown up answers to my questions even before I frame them. It is a slow sweet savouring of their wisdom as I let the words seep into my everyday living. There is a deep gratitude for the teachers who have shared their wisdom in their writings and translations.
I am excited and nervous about getting back to class from Friday and also wonder how it will be. Who will be my teachers? Will I be able to cope? Starting next week, I will be working far fewer hours which should allow me the time and freedom to plunge into what I really want to do. Will I have the necessary discipline to follow through? I don’t know, it is unknown territory but as Rafiki tells Simba, “it is time.”