2.38

There is a certain lethargy to write about all the experiences, thoughts and feelings that are being churned. It’s not like there is any pain or trouble just a whole lot of stuff being churned. It’s like moving to school from kindergarten.
One of the things I have been questioning and trying to get a sense for was my dorsal area. While I understand what is required, the sensation just wasn’t there. I got a touch of that space when one of the teachers adjusted me in cross bolster Setuband Sarvangasana. It was an instantaneous ‘aha’.
Today’s trikonasana was one where I felt I could stay. It was an effortless effort for my current level of practice. The new area we explored today was the back of the thigh and that changed the trikonasana, tadasana feel. I found myself trying the same movement through the day at home too. It’s a little nerdy and I can’t seem to help myself as I find myself trying what I learnt in class while doing some chores, like bend down in ardha chandrasana to pick up something.
While writing the Sutras from the second pada today, I was drawn yet again to 2.38, “brahmacaryapratishtayam viryalabhaha” which is translated by Guruji in his book as  ‘when the sadhaka is firmly established in continence, knowledge, vigour, valour and energy flow to him’.
Of all the yamas, something calls me to this one time and again. ‘Virya’ is a state that attracts my attention. Energy, vigour, potency, valour are some of the synonyms given to ‘virya’ in the ‘Light on Yoga Sutras’.
Brahmacharya is commonly understood in Hindi as celibacy but I understand it as a control over indulgence in any form. Perhaps the little aha moment in trikonasana was a tiny moment of brahmacharya if the sensation was anything to go by. A little under doing on my right and a little overdoing on the left to balance it. Control, moderation, balance.
My asanas are like a child’s early attempts at taming the alphabet. Over time and with practice, the writing improves. If there is an interest in learning how to write not just for the skill but for the art in it, then beautiful handwriting is created, constantly evolving. I hope to be graced with the same sense of wonder and curiosity as I explore how my body and mind can move.
Sometimes I wonder why do I want to know more, understand more, do more? It’s not like I want to be a teacher or anything although in my early days I was quite enamoured by the idea of being a yoga teacher. Imagine spending the entire day studying asanas, the texts and other bodies. But that was a short lived daydream. I don’t know why this calls to me so strongly. As of now, I am in the thick of family life and my yoga is what fits in within this framework. Some days I do not practise the asanas but they find me while sitting at work or doing the dishes. Sometimes it is at bedtime and at others when I practise the Sutras in my attempt to memorise them. Sometimes it is just being there for the family or friends.
There is change happening and I can’t put a finger on it. It is like getting quiet but with a lot of churning.