Christmas time is always at my parents home and it felt good to be back. I had a tug of war inside about missing class and in the end decided the greater need was to be with my mother. Earlier this week, I felt the familiar little ache of missing my father. Ever since he passed away a few years back, the season never felt the same. There was a lethargy, a heaviness, a vacuum. He was the pivot around which the house came alive during the season and we all missed him quietly.
This year was different, there was a closure of sorts and it finally felt like we were moving on. I pulled out many old pictures and it was a happy time for my mother and brother as well. We spent a lot of time looking at pictures from years ago. Thanks to technology, my little sister also got to share in the moment through the exchange of images.
The first post on this blog was on Sutra 1.33 and at that time, it was an instinctive latching on to the sound and rhythm of the lines. It felt like an answer to some question that was not yet asked. It has been the simplest recipe to live in peace with myself and using the principles it talks about has opened my heart. The bigger lesson has been learning to apply it towards myself. It is far easier to be friendly, compassionate, happy and indifferent towards others but very tough to apply it towards my different behaviours and thoughts. In difficult situations, it has taken the fight out of the equation. It has brought a tiny pause where I choose a response rather than react in the same repetitive manner. This is very much a work in progress practice and sometimes I slide but those instances are useful in seeing the shaky spots within. It all boils down to fear and in my experience, the antidote to that is love. Unconditional love.
Asana practice has been irregular and except for a day it has been snatches as and when I got a little free time. I’ve been working through these days as well and despite everything on my plate, it has been easy and relaxed. I’ve not fretted or even thought of missing my regular routine. It will be there for me when I get back to my home.
In gratitude for my family